2009

What we think is logically not approved sometimes by our own mind. then also find reason to follow it. I feel life is a loop we get into same kind of position on same or different places. It is really hard to be consistent sometimes especially for me. Why I am not writing I don't understand because it should flow...

If I see past one year I would say it was a roller coaster ride in neverland ... January made me shiver but it was a happy time though as I find good friends ... this makes me question which state of mind makes u fly ? I feel I trust and in reality I don't do it... in last 12 months I think I have trusted 1or 2 persons. I have felt one strong affection towards life.. By the year end I am feeling I have lived the whole .. nothing left actually .. Mood swings are like weather of Germany now ..It changes any time.. Sometimes I feel alone and it makes me like a rock.. I am loosing emotions day by day and this is making me stubborn and senseless...

Birds are moving back to their nest
Sun down to the western horizon
Shining dot is fading into darkness.
feeling stopped building castles in the sky

I feel homeless in my own self
Scorching myself with inner light
Though it's cooling down
I can't help and it's fading

Tears of my joy has made me shiver now
As much as I see them they make dark days
darkness is not what I fearing for
I am having fear of the hideous sunshine now

Failed to be sad now makes me feel happy
I am happy that's what I would like to say
It's not bitter but still it's not sweet though
Far away from home shining dot is fading

I know love is repulsive for me now
people walked along with me have moved on
I am standing on that same bridge
Which bridged me to myself ...

Realisation

Step by step I reached to the skies
I touched them but I was tied
the presence of mine was
dream of my past

But look at me Standing there
Don't know outcome from where
Passed through though a hell
still not pondering on my deeds

Sins of my bloody hands
Which I cannot wash them away
written as a fate of my splitted mind
the nature is not more kind

And I realised "the time pass my hand which
I had dreamed ones
Is now my present
but because of my deeds of past
I can not cherish the present ."